I don’t even need to set this up.

Years ago I had a web form on my web site where people could enter some details about themselves to create their pornstar and cross dresser names. This one’s new to me.

This is an excerpt from a children’s book, “Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants” by Dav Pilkey. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

• a = Poopsie
• b = Lumpy
• c = Buttercup
• d = Gidget
• e = Crusty
• f = Greasy
• g = Fluffy
• h = Cheeseball
• i = Chim-chim
• j = Stinky
• k = Flunky
• l = Boobie
• m = Pinky
• n = Zippy
• o = Goober
• p = Doofus
• q = Slimy
• r = Loopy
• s = Snotty
• t = Tulefel
• u = Dorkey
• v = Squeezit
• w = Oprah
• x = Skipper
• y = Dinky
• z = Zsa-Zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

• a = Apple
• b = Toilet
• c = Giggle
• d = Burger
• e = Girdle
• f = Barf
• g = Lizard
• h = Waffle
• i = Cootie
• j = Monkey
• k = Potty
• l = Liver
• m = Banana
• n = Rhino
• o = Bubble
• p = Hamster
• q = Toad
• r = Gizzard
• s = Pizza
• t = Gerbil
• u = Chicken
• v = Pickle
• w = Chuckle
• x = Tofu
• y = Gorilla
• z = Stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

• a = head
• b = mouth
• c = face
• d = nose
• e = tush
• f = breath
• g = pants
• h = shorts
• i = lips
• j = honker
• k = butt
• l = brain
• m = tushie
• n = chunks
• o = hiney
• p = biscuits
• q = toes
• r = buns
• s = fanny
• t = sniffer
• u = sprinkles
• v = kisser
• w = squirt
• x = humperdinck
• y = brains
• z = juice

Thereby, for example, George W. Bush’s new name is Goober Chickenshorts. Hillary Clinton’s is Boobie Liverchunks. Barack Obama’s is Loopy Toilettushy. John McCain: Cheeseball Gigglehead. And finally Mike Huckabee’s new name: Flunky Chickenbutt. Oh, mine? Pfft. Almost forgot: Tulefel Bubblebuns. What’s a “tulefel?”